So many people are confused as to why they do not feel content with their lives. But look under the surface of the fake #liveyourbestlife positivity, and you’ll see the next post reads, “OMG, I feel so fat today”. We pretend to be happy whilst positioning ourselves in a truly negative world.
Most of it isn’t even as obvious as publicly doubting our appearance. It is often so subtly toxic bullshit that we don’t even notice it when it happens anymore…
- it is happening when choosing not to accept a compliment without adding a caveat, like, “thanks for saying you like my dress, I can’t believe it still fits after my holidays… I ate soooooo much”.
- it is happening when you choose to comment on someone’s appearance.
- it is happening when you compare yourself to people online, and choose to follow inspiring fitness or diet pages that never actually seem to inspire you.
- it is happening when you choose not to unfollow friends whose social media humour more often than not involve putting others down.
- it is happening when you don’t call out your colleagues for making phobic jokes and comments.
- it is happening when you allow your Mum to comment on your body weight.
This creates a constant stream of noise that your brain is perfectly designed to hear above everything else.
Your number one Animal Brain fear is that you’re going to die. To stop this from happening, you are evolutionarily trained to be hyper-vigilant for danger. If I say, “don’t think of tigers” your brain can’t help but focus on them. Humans didn’t have the luxury of assuming everything will be OK. We are queens of preparing for the worst-case scenario, we had to be. And it wasn’t just being mauled by tigers that we had to watch out for.
Humans also had to be on guard for the potential of getting kicked out of the Tribe. If you weren’t good enough or were just a bit of a wanker, you were gone. And then you died. Comparing yourself to others would literally save your life if you were a Stone Age Homo Sapien. And unfortunately, your brain hasn’t evolved past the primal fear of being alone just yet.
How lovely would it be if your Animal Brain protected you by saying encouraging things like “come on, you’re doing so well. Just look at how many people dig you.” But no, instead in your heads is the equivalent of a side-line soccer Dad screaming at 11-year-olds for being too shit to win. When you talk crap about yourselves or anyone else, your Animal Brain is saying either “you are not good enough”, or, “let’s make them look worse so that you look better”. Either way it’s patting itself on the back for keeping you safe, even if the end result is a paranoid Human Brain that thinks it’s unlovable.
Luckily for you, your Human Brain can be trained to tell your Animal Brain to shut the fuck up and stop helping. It can also learn to help change global energy for the better by choosing not to contribute to fake positivity and toxic negativity. Plus it’ll make your individual world a far more pleasant place to live in.
It suits Culture’s Game to keep us comparing ourselves to other people.
Content people buy far less as they are happier with what they have. They tend to instead buy things they love which they keep for longer, instead of impulse buying throw-away crap which they think will make them happy.
Unfortunately, as long as Culture’s Game continues to revolve around profit, we are trained to play to their Rules which exist to ensure we don’t ever feel enough.
Download the Rule book below to see how this is showing itself in your life.
Unlike most other coaches, I am not going to tell you exactly what to do right now. That’s not going to help. I mean it hasn’t before has it? Only you know which suggestions for change are likely to fit in with your life, your brain, and your budget.
Instead, I am going to give you the information and let you decide. Of course, I am here to help, if you need me. But the decision in the end, is all yours.
Check out the exercises below and complete the ones which you think will help you to create the new Rules for Your Game.
IMPORTANT: One of the easiest ways to change a negative environment, is to be more discerning with the media you choose to consume.
Soaps, news, and documentaries barrage us with the world’s worst people and situations. Reality TV and social media give us plenty of people to compare ourselves to, and we normally come off in second-place. Humans evolved to compare themselves to the few people in their tribe, not the millions in the media.
I’m not suggesting for you to shut your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears and pretend like bad shit doesn’t happen. That’s stupid. Stay a part of the world. Just curate your media so that – as much as possible in a space controlled by the Zuckerberg’s of this world – you stay in charge of the positive/negative balance of your brain.
You can do this in a few ways…
- Block and/or report ads that don’t match what you want to see in the world.
- Take control of your Facebook ad settings and remove any categories you don’t want to be part of.
- Unfollow pages and leave groups whose content brings nothing but negativity.
- Consider whether to unfriend (or even just unfollow) friends and family whose posts brings unnecessary negativity into your life.
- The more you comment and interact with a page the more social media will show you similar content. Comment and react to what you want to see more of, but remember it works both ways. Consider whether you really need to leave an angry react on that post or page… even if you hate it, you’ll see more of it.
- Take your TV watching more seriously too. It’s fine to numb your brain with it. But be more selective about what you let your subconscious brain watch. You don’t have to never watch a horror film again, but maybe balance it out with the odd comedy too.
- Ask yourself if you need to keep up to date with global news every single day?
Changes to your social media don’t happen overnight. It takes the platform a little while to catch up with your change in attitude. But stick with it. My news feed is bloody delightful nowadays!
Are you ready? I’m excited about this one. If you get this Rule right it can be an absolute game-changer. But so many people get the intention behind it wrong.
This isn’t about fake happiness and pretending that the world is beautiful. It’s more like reducing unnecessary drama and negativity. People assume that it’s a part of life, whereas actually, you are in control of a lot of negativity from both your internal and external worlds. If you were on fire you’d go find a water tap, not more flames, right?
Download the worksheet below and get crafting your new rules, which don’t forget, you can change any time they’re not working out for you. You can even go back to your old ones if you like. Nothing’s stopping you. You’re in charge now.